A Tribute to My Jessie

My heart hurts today. I’ve shed more tears than I have in awhile and as every memory sweeps over me the tears just flood again.

Saying goodby to my Jessie girl was more difficult than I could have imagined. She’s been with me since she was four months old. She would have been eight years old this coming January, but her medical issues have continued to climb and finally reached a point where I couldn’t care for her. Between the seizures, all the medications, and even her blindness, she has been faithful to hold her own. When the blood test on her medications came back this past Saturday showing her in toxic levels and at risk for liver failure, I had to seriously consider what to do.

This morning as I dressed for work, she had two grand mal seizures in less than 30 minutes. The last one was bad, and my heart was breaking. Generally, she’s had seizures every three to six weeks without fail, all to varying degrees.  But today was the third time in six weeks that she has had them exactly two weeks apart–each one getting worse. It was the turning point for the decision I knew I had to make.

When I called my vet, I was told to come on in. When I got there, the front desk girls ushered me into a room to wait. Dr. Beth came in shortly, already aware of what I was asking for her to do. I was holding Jessie and trying to stay composed–to no avail. The tears just flooded down my face and as I buried my head in Jessie’s neck Dr. Beth came over to hug me and tell me I was doing the right thing. She’s doctored Jessie for the past three years and loved on her every time we had to visit the clinic.

I asked to stay to the end. I wanted her to know I was there. As soon as the anesthesia hit her, she relaxed and lay down. In moments she was gone, and as I stroked her head and said how sorry I was for not being able to do more for her Dr. Beth turned and hugged me and cried with me.  I stayed for a long while afterwards, petting her and remembering.   I’m glad for the time I had with her…and I will always, always, remember my Jessie girl.